4 Ways to Stop the Search for Validation

October 20, 2015 — Leave a comment


The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.

Mohadesa Najumi


I used to read books all the time to Hannah and Isaac when they were little.  There is a series of children’s books written by Max Lucado that starts with the book, You Are Special.  The message of this book always spoke to me as much if not more than it spoke to my kids.

In You Are Special, Wimmicks, the wooden characters of the village, put stars and dots on one another.  Some Wimmicks get stars when they do something good or have a special talent.  They get grey dots when they can only do little or when their paint is chipped away, like Punchinello.  Sad and confused Punchinello goes to see Eli, the wood-carver.  Punchinello asks Eli about the girl whose stars and dots don’t stick to her. Eli explains that “the stickers only stick if they matter to you.  The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about validation lately.  I have felt a strong need to be validated in many parts of my life including as a mom, wife, and teacher.  The other day one of the little girls in my class looked up at me while we were eating lunch and declared, “Mrs. Stolpe, I want to be a teacher just like you when you grow up.”

As a teacher with a huge passion for teaching, my heart was warmed by her statement.  I guess in a sense it validated me and my role with this group of students but should it?  As I was wrestling with this topic, I decided to look to the Bible to see what it said about validation.  Paul has this to say to the Galatians in Galatians 1:10:

“Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I think my floundering of late that has me looking for validation can stop in the hands of my Maker.  My guess is that I’m not alone.

Do you struggle to find validation in your life?

If so, here are four ways to stop your search.

4 Ways to Stop the Search for Validation

1.  Spend time with your Maker.

Start and end your day with God. I encourage moms to start small – 5 minutes a day could make a huge difference in ending your quest for validation.

2.  Be part of a church community.

Get plugged into a local church.  I am so thankful for Christ’s Church of the Valley, our home church for 14 years.

3.  Connect with others in a small group.

My family has a service group that I lead called H.O.P.E (Helping Other People Everywhere).  I look forward to getting together with this group of people and serving as well as sharing life together.

4.  Serve intentionally in your area of gifting.

I love serving with kids at our church.  Our motto is that it’s the best hour of their week.  As a small group volunteer leader in one of the classrooms, it’s often the best hour of my week, too!

How have you overcome your search for validation?  Share your responses in the comments.